Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Well, fuck. Girls.

The world is raining attractive females, and I'm standing on the corner with 17 buckets. Babe after babe after babe, they just keep landing right here on my face.

I find it disconcerting not one single person besides my sister has nudged me to steer clear of all the man eaters. Actually, no I don't, because most people don't know how to be alone, especially not after a break-up. F'ing someone new helps them get over their pain faster. It's true, it usually does help, especially if the F'ed is attractive, better still if they're amazing too. I've done it before, even thought about doing it now, but, as nice as it would be to feel one of these amazing girls against me, I can't allow myself to let that happen. Not now. I won't. Not even for mutual, uncomplicated, we-both-just-want-to-F-each-other sex. Not for love either. That would be me not loving myself. Me not honoring my broken heart, nor my true heart. That would be the old me, and that would be me not accepting that being alone right now means all of it, including my D. Plus, I'd rather not be thinking of my ex while I'm with someone new. Getting over your previous relationship while you're with someone else is pretty much the norm, but that doesn't make it OK. It's fucked up. And I'm not doing it. The End.

"(((HELL-OOOOO BROOKLYN!!!)))" Turns the fuck out that I am not only capable of being alone, but I actually can't get enough of it. And I'm not talking about a movie by myself here, I'm talking about hardcore solitude. The longer I seem to hang with just me, the more just me is becoming staggeringly incredible. It's probably no coincidence that the Universe is pouring a lot more than sugar on me ever since I committed to giving to myself, because man alive, I deserve it!, I've earned it, I've manifested it, and believed in it, because I believe in me, and I finally know what I want. I'm simply taking what's mine in exchange for what I have given, and for once, that's panning out to be a nice fifty-fifty.

Now eventually, once I have healed from all this mumbo, I'm going to share my heart again. When this happens, I can promise it'll be at 48,000%, because this is the only way I roll. Then, and only then, might I let one of these babes love me, or at the very least, blow me.

((IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL BABES:)) It should be noted for future reference if you are female, and you find yourself alone with me anytime in the semi-near future, please, under no circumstances, for any reason, let me in your pants. I know I will have 7,000 reasons at the time why you should, and I will be extremely convincing, and you will seemingly have nothing to lose by sharing your sweat with me, but trust me, don't. If you do, it'll be insanely incredible for somewhere between 2 and 37 minutes, probably 2, at which point I will be completely disappointed in myself, and bury us both in Chuck E. Cheese ball pit of half-hearted love. Now, all that said, letting me cop-a-feel for a few seconds/MINUTES! before you reject me, that would be a free lunch I think I more than deserve, based solely on my candor and truth here. BUT!, BETTER YET STILL!, better than all other options listed thus far, just be my friend for a while. Do this, and there's an enthusiastic chance you and I will eventually end up watching the sky disappear and reappear all in one conversation, all the while knowing that allowing a little needed time was the greatest decision we ever made. Think about it. In fact, I will too.

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