Saturday, April 18, 2009

Me vs Me

My insides are the battleground of every war ever waged, every fight ever fought, every duel that ever was, all at once. Villains and heroes alike, together and alone they fight. Cowboys and Indians, gunfighters, and there are no sides, no rules, no allies, and like every difficult change in my life, it is me vs me.

I am so lucky to feel life the way I do. This pain that pummels me from every side, never letting up, is something to stand tall for. I embrace it with tears of understanding and compassion. It is proof that I gave my whole heart to someone I love, unconditionally, and no matter how great the fear of doing that was, I did it anyway, the fear of this very feeling, of pure broken sadness and excruciating pain, I did it anyway, and it was worth every fucking moment. I will do this forever, because I have never known anything greater than love, and, for the first time in my life, this love is starting with me.

Now it is Saturday evening, and I am sitting on my front porch, drinking a can of my favorite beer, Simpler Times, eating beef jerky, finishing my new book, writing a new blog, watching all the love in this world pass by my house, knowing I already have all the love I need, I'm watching this beautiful sky turn down, and I’m sitting here alone, forgetting about all that I am sad about, and I am opening my arms back up to the world, and when the sadness comes back, which for now it will, I will open my arms back up to me.


  1. I'm suffering broken heartedness myself. I like your words. I believe it is important to never change your heart and to always keep it on the same path it was intended for... just pure love... the only love you know. A cynical heart is a terrible waste.

  2. JG your writing gives me chills. I am envious of your wonderful ability to write and express your thoughts. As much pain as you are in, it probably is such a healing tool to write about how you feel, and share that with others. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.