Wednesday, May 27, 2009


I don't think I can do this story justice, but I will try, because this is what I do.

(For proper intensity, multiply the following by 1000)
Last week I was asleep in a small hotel room in Ashland, Oregon when something terrifying happened. It was sometime in the middle of the night, the lights were off, it was quiet, I was alone in my king size bed, with my hideous comforter, asleep like a giant. The next thing was instant, light speed, while I was face down on my pillow, an unendurable pain seared me. Something grabbed a hold of my left calf from the inside, jaws came down on my muscles, twisting my entire body into oblivion. I froze stiff, then began flapping and thrashing like a hooked fish. I flipped and turned in madness. I grabbed my calf, then let go, grabbed it again, then let go, my own body hurled me onto the floor, jolting and clinched I wailed and blubbered in complete slobbering silence, holding in my screams while holding my leg. I can't say I ever remember feeling such pain, ever, and then, like a switch, it was over, and I was alone on the floor. The fucking weirdest part, the part I can't seem to even begin to wrap my brain around, NOT AT ALL, was that I fell right back to sleep. I woke up the next morning dizzily freaked out, coupled with a tender lower leg that had 80's horror movie written all over it. Now, before some jack-tard tells me I had a charlie horse, let me tell you, I've had a charlie horse, trust me, this was not that. But I really want to understand, what was it?

No comments:

Post a Comment